i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
