why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
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