I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
