I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
