I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
