She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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