dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
