she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
