The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
