smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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