he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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