Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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