So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
