i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
