OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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