i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
