i would punch a child for taco bell
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
