I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
