i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
