I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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