TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
