So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
