Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also, beer. Big fan.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
