Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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