Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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