I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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