Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
