my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
