I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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