I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
