UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
