You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
