dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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