We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
