i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
