i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We are two peas in an std pod
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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