it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
