I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize