my vag is so smooth its legendary
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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