I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
