Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
