there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
