I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
