I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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