I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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