You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
me + whiskey = a bad person
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
