Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
