you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
