Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
