He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
