Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
