But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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