mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
