Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
