I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
