I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
