i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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