Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just gift wrapped bread.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
