I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
