he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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