Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
