Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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