Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
