I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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