I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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