he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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