I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
