FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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