Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He better not be in your backpack
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
