Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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