watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
