Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
