The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
