people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
