You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize