just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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