I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
