I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
he just fucked me for my cheese.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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