i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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