Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
