i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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