woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
