Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
