I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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