I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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